I feel you brother. I have a mild to moderate form of stuttering and it has effected my daily life and made even simple tasks challenging and have thought about suicide every now and then especially that I have taken every course there is and seen every specialist there is but I’m one of those people that don’t improve or improve slightly then relapse. My recommendation, being in your shoes in the past, I would say grab a friend/family and throw yourself out there and see what happens. I know it’s scary and you’ll hesitate but that’s why the friend/family is there to push you through it. Start small, i.e. ordering fast food or making phone calls. It’s not practicing to make your stutter go away, it’s practice to make you accept it for what it is and make you believe you’re still you even with a stutter. I have come to accept it and it has been a prt of me (nothing wrong in wanting to improve your speech but first is to accept that it does not change who you are). Worst case scenario the person you’re talking to walks away or laughs or shuts the phone, that’s ok, it hasn’t changed you or belittled you. It may hurt or embarrass you at first but then you become stronger and these thoughts fade away. Just my two cents and always remember to stay safe and surround yourself with friends and family and talk to people you know about this and if you’re not comfortable, know there’s always someone to talk to. No shame in seeing a shrink or a psychologist to talk about these things. I currently see a psychologist and has really helped. In the end, I just want to finish with a little anecdote. I once asked a close friend (known him for 20 years), if my stuttering was ever bothersome. He said, it’s prt of your quirky charm, we wouldn’t accept you any other way. Remember there are still people who love you and support you. EDIT: also forgot to mention, that some people may never accept you for your stuttering and to those I say fuck em and forget em. I’ve had a supervisor at work tell me I shouldn’t be allowed to work in anything with human contact because of my stutter. Just shake it off and move on, believe in yourself and you can do anything