Wow what a post, thanks for sharing! I really love your experience of creating a false personality that helps you avoid stuttering and afterwards feeling burdened by having to live the lie. I believe it's important when learning a new skill (and speaking is a skill) so that we don't have deeply ingrained bad habits that are more difficult to change later. Keep going! Anything is possible! You've obviously already done thoughtful, serious reflection about your upbringing. Personally, I've done much of the same and though the actual relationships haven't improved all that noticeably, it feels as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. As a man, speaking to women is legit terrifying. Rejection sucks. A lot. But you've got a thick skin, right?! Lastly, and I can't say for sure, but maybe flipping off the judge ain't such a good idea? I dunno. Oh! Theatre. Do it.