That sounds rough. It takes courage to do what you did. I understand how you feel the need to hide your stutter as well. If you havent done so already, I think it might help to tell some of your friends what stuttering is like for you - all the feelings that accompany it and how you manage it etc. I hid my stuttering for many years, especially around my friends, and although it had its place, it created such a big wall between us. We stutterers think a lot about our stutter and hiding that from people can be really alienating.