What other people think is not even the number issue with me but rather disappointing myself. I am embarrassed in front of myself if that makes sense. I have always held myself up to high standards and when I have a disfluency episode it literally eats away at me for days even weeks. I still have not recovered from the one were I completely fucked up speaking to my boss about an important matter a month ago. I would have been less embarrassed had I walked into his office butt naked.