I can't agree more on all you illustrated to me cuz they are also haunting in my mind! But now I'm not shy and speaking quiet, instead, I'm now speaking with a powerful and encouraging voice and some women are even thinking my voice is very masculine and decent, but blocks are still there. But yeah I'm also having fears of stutter and it being revealed in public, especially while I'm attempting to quarrel with somebody except my parents and my gf. In this way, I'm usually afarid of losing my solid positions and strong styles, even likely to be ridiculed about my accidents, finally getting the bad endings that I'm recognized as a PWS. But public speeches are not problems to me and if someone is requiring me to speak in public, not only won't I be afraid of any stuffs in speeches, but also I can even make them more interesting and attractive with my own elocutions (actually I've learned something from Adolf Hitler LOL). I'm keeping it a secret that I can feel blocks in my speeches and managing to conceal them with sparing all efforts and all ok. There are also no decent SLPs and SLP departments in the mainland of China so stutter is now perceived as a lethal disorder in the mainland like it was ever described during Japan's Meiji Restoration. If you announce you are an SLP, mainlanders tend to think you are bs or fraud, won't respect your opinions although they can't pick out errors in your elaborations, very pessimistic and hilarious. I've ever seen several guys moaning about stutter being more horrible than cancers and AIDS, stutter being more horrible than losing eyes, and similar stuffs, though they are very implausible to me and other PWS, still impacting negatively on my moods for some reasons. Second-guess is guessed right by you and I'm actually taking not to stutter into my considerations in my speeches although I've acknowledged it's no of meanings but only a downside. I dunno how to eradicate second-guesses cuz it seems like cognitive therapies are also lagging after those in psychologically developed countries like America, Japan,German and etc. I'm trying assertative therapy and flooding on my own but not perfectly effective. I hope one day I can totally forget I'm a PWS.