I was the same way. Just getting over yourself is hard to do when you are so deep in the hole. But be sure to cut yourself some slack. This kind of mindset is something that only time and experiences can teach you. It cannot occur overnight. Just don’t ever give up, small steps each day should be celebrated. Nothing worthwhile is easy in life. Sorry if I sound too preachy, it’s just I relate to a lot of the stuff you are saying. Also, Happy Holidays.