postr/StutterSeptember 10, 2023

I couldn’t defend myself

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Content

I couldn’t defend myself I do delivery as a part-time job on the weekends. Today was going all normal until that one delivery. Basically, i got up to the house, parked in front of it grabbed the parcel and got out of my car. For context delivery drivers need to be quick and mean real quick. The house had a gate about 2m tall. Quick look at the house I noticed no doors or windows are open which means customer probably isn’t there. So I dropped the parcel over the gate and walked back to my car. Customer came out furious shouting at me say saying “do u know what could have been inside?” The moment I tried to reply I couldn’t. I couldn’t say anything. It was like my tongue has frozen. Don’t get me wrong the parcel was clothes from shein and wasn’t labelled fragile. So no damage would have ever occurred. That’s and I wanted to say as well as an apology for the incident. I couldn’t. All of this while he’s still shouting at me. He grabbed his phone to pointed the camera towards me so I quickly sped off. Got away from his house and parked up. I was shaking. I felt weak paralysed that I couldn’t defend myself. Now idc if he submits a complaint what i care about is that I couldn’t defend myself and explain my point. Incidents like these make me thing I would never be a normal functioning person and have to just accept everything thrown at me without being able to fight back not even with the simplest means of speaking.

Themes

Emotional ExperienceAnticipation & Avoidance

Subthemes

Helplessness & AgencyFrustration & AngerHiding & Concealment