I (27F) feel excited when I’m about to say a word I know I can’t say then I’m exhausted as hell after I finally get through the word. Anyone else feel exhausted after trying to get through a difficult word?

I (27F) feel excited when I’m about to say a word I know I can’t say then I’m exhausted as hell after I finally get through the word. Anyone else feel exhausted after trying to get through a difficult word? The word for me is “remember”. I can’t say it even in my head without using a ton of brain cells