Thanks for sharing, can absolutely relate to your experience. I'm in the U.S. and have been around a few decades longer than yourself, but I still vividly remember the fear of being called on in school to read aloud from a textbook. Or that feeling when you know the answer to the question the teacher asked, no one else does, but you don't raise your hand and just swallow the pride. In hindsight, I regret all the things that I let stuttering/blocking hold me back from doing. Around 30 y.o. though I realized that hiding from the outside world created a whole new set of problems that just made everything else worse: depression, physical health not good from lack of activity (even walking), vitamin deficiency from little direct sunlight, and general anti-social behavior became the norm which was not who I truly was. The thing that helped me the most was finding a short simple phrase I could say without too much struggle, that informed the person I was about to speak to that I stuttered. I did this before EVERY verbal interaction-- even the private ones with my parents, family and the few friends I had who all already knew about my speech problem. I would begin every conversation with "Hi bear with me, have a nasty stutter". The "H" sound in English is all air flow and I would connect the first part like "HHHighbearwithme" as one word. Then the "H" on "Have", again all air flow so "HHHavaynastystutter". If I could get that out, it reduced the pressure sooo much. For me, it wasn't so much the stutter itself I was ashamed of, but rather the thoughts people have when they DIDN'T know, were caught off guard, and never know how to react. Other times when I'd just block in total silence, mouth wide open but no sound, total paralysis, often people would just think I was slow, stupid, having a stroke, etc. So that fear of the awkward judgment that naturally happens at the BEGINNING of a conversation would just set me up for a verbal train wreck. But once I made it a habit with my parents and few friends, every day, every time I opened my mouth I would say my phrase, I slowly started to add strangers to the mix. I would force myself to call any number that has "customer help agents" on the other end. The type of people who talk to 200+ people a day and aren't fazed by anything. Many were train wrecks still. I hung up right away 50% of the time. But there were no consequences because I wasn't calling for any reason other than to say my phrase, make up a few sentences, and stutter my ass off saying them. It's their job to be helpful so they were always decent. Then I added restaurants, hospitals, large companies. Forcing myself to call multiple places a day where you never get the same agent twice. It didn't fix me. Didn't cure me. But it desensitized me to the fear, the shame, the embarrassment. As long as the other person KNEW right away that I was a stutterer, then there were only TWO outcomes: - They were patient, kind and friendly. And I got to stutter freely without much worry. - They were rude, confused or mean. Which means they're assholes anyway so who cares? Id hang up. Finally I did this in person. Every cashier, every place of business. Always with my phrase first. And no joke, by then (about 6 months) I stuttered much less. But I still stuttered. All the time. But lemme tell you, it's not that terrible when you aren't filled with fear, not sweating, not all tight in the chest, and all the awful things that our fears cause. Hell, at one point I got these free business cards made, 500 of them, with my phrase on em. I would hand them to whoever I was most concerned about (like a job interview). I made it my mission to tell every soul I came into contact with that I stuttered. At this point decades later I don't think there's a person left who doesn't know! And you know what? It's not so bad! It's way better than grade school was! And 90% of people I spoke to were kind and understanding, just as if I was missing an arm or in a wheelchair. People are only jerks when they hate themselves. Most ppl are pretty friendly when you break that first barrier down. Either way, try it, try something else, anything. Anything so you don't let this absurd, comical, silly, annoying minor "disability" control your life and rob you of your right to experience the world. Lean into it. Tell everyone, stutter like crazy, wear a hat that says "I stutter, Watch Out!" Lol. Before you know it, YOU will have robbed IT of its power over you. You'll always have it, but it no longer will be your enemy. It will just be one of the many parts of you. Life is too short. Go stutter! As much as possible till you no longer are emotionally affected by it and you'll be glad you did. (Give it 6 - 12 months tho! Ngl, that time sucks! But who cares? Take its power away! ) Cheers Good luck!