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Just tired of this disability. Tired of having to silence myself all the time because I have this stupid fucking stutter. It's to the point where I have no friends, dont speak to my family (that I live with), and cant form any meaningful relationships. This shit sucks. College was horrible, especially in social settings where everyone is sharing and you have something you want to share, but cant get it out (or even start). Half the time I have to hide that strain you get in your throat trying to get the first syllable out. Shit is so embarrassing. I don't understand why I was born with this bullshit. Sometimes it just gets so difficult and I want to just end it. I've tried therapy when I was younger, putting myself in uncomfortable situations, toast masters, reading books, only to be met with the same fate. The only thing that works is using "shit" or "fuck" as crutch words to transition into the word im having trouble with, and obviously that cant be done 24/7. Just tired of this shit honestly. Communication is definitely one of the most important aspects of life, and to be deficient in it is such a slap in the face. Shit sucks.