Perhaps ditch the notion that sexiness is down to this distinct grouping of traits that you imagine. Perhaps also ditch the notion that seduction (in the form you imagine) is pivotal to romantic conduct (or whatever you wish to call it). - I don't think it's my place to suggest general pointers about how you go about feeling good about yourself, to be honest. You're familiar with your life. I'm almost certain you realize what you're good at, and also that you realize what you're doing that might drag you down. Is there something you're succeeding in that you should be paying more attention to when it's happening? Perhaps. Is there some kind of thinking that's bad for you and that you should put some effort into getting rid of? Maybe. You need to work on those things, or talk to someone who can help you with it. Don't just stay in it. There's no reason to punish ourselves for something we haven't done.