I feel you 100%. Sometimes when I talk to someone, I'm trying to say something important but then I do a big pause because I know Im gonna stutter and the person thinks im done talking and just moves on or starts talking to another person/ignores me. I just imagine shooting myself in the head at that moment, the hot feeling of frustration in my chest is so big. I wanna either hurt myself or just crush something. But, I still choose to go through those awkward moments because fuck that man! If we keep escaping from those situations, we will never face and fix anything. The first step is to make peace with yourself, accept this fucking curse and own it! I still have friends I talk to, who listen to me and undsrstand me, they know about my problems and they accept me for who I am. Once you make peace with yourself, people will sort themselves out and you will be left with people who like you for who you are. People can feel inner strength, they can feel confidence. And if you project that confidence people will like you more, regardless of who you are. Put yourself in position of other people, would you wanna hang with a person who is always negative and full of hate and not confident? No, you like being around positive and fun people. So project that from yourself! Google breathing exercises, talk to yourself in the mirror, read books, do everything you can to make it better but never give up!!! When you overcome adversity in your life, that makes you a much better person in every way than people who have an easy route.