Hang in there, buddy. Living with a disability is often very frustrating and difficult. If you can overcome it, that's great. If not, you are still a wonderful human being with many chances to be happy and give happiness to others. There are obstacles in life but when you get older you will realize that they only make you stronger in the long run. That's not much comfort for now but you will get there. You've apparently got a keen mind but don't let it beat you up about it. Just do the best that you can and if you fuck it up, oh well. It happens. Life goes on. Keep going.