I know exactly what you are going through and it does get better if you search deep inside. First I'm 58 years old now and I can assure you it gets much better. Most people today have no idea I stutter. I commend you for getting back up a second time to do that speech. Back in my day my high school teacher thought they were helping by asking me to read out loud daily, while others only had to read out loud once every 2 weeks. This humiliation was enough for me to quit school. My saving grace was finding a job that had me working, living and socializing with 100 other people. After all the joking was aside I realized my stutter didn't bother people. They were laughing with me and not at me. I did arrange to see a speech therapist and that proved disastrous. They had me read "See Jack run, Jack runs fast" I got up and walked out. So my thoughts were, Teachers are not helping me and speech therapists think I never learned to read properly and starting from scratch was their method of treatment. (Things could be differently today) I felt alone and needed to look deep at my problem. (Again I'll get professionals hating on what I did). I taught myself a new vocabulary, I blocked words I stuttered with and found other words to replace them with. It took years to perfect but I mastered it. I also avoided any job that would have me speak publicly. I did return to finish my grade 12 and was nervous as hell. I spoke to my teacher and told her my problem, she did not make a point out of making me read all the time but told me I had to do the presentation at the end of the year. I had written my speech in my new vocabulary and it worked. Don't ever worry about not attracting a mate, that will come naturally. You understand what its like to have a disability and probably can relate to others with similar problems. That trait alone will attract people :) I know some stutters want to speak publicly and I commend them for their efforts, however I could give a shit about speaking to an audience. (For the professionals out there, "Don't push someone if they "don't" want the help" You have so much to offer this world. Don't be hard on yourself. Look within :) and like others said, there are many forums for stutters to vent if they want. Best wishes :)