After reading your words I can relate in a sense. It took me years to realize that I had so much fear left inside me. Towards the end you mention that you are desensitized to peoples reactions and the stuttering doesn't hurt you, but earlier on you talked about how you feel the need to get further from your home because its awkward for you and dont want to be humiliated. Life is short, but it's never too late to change your life or mindset. Someone else mentioned checking out a support group. It may inspire you to think about stuttering through a lense you never had before. It was life changing for me.