Stuttering has made me avoid all human interaction that doesn’t include my family. The only time i’m able to properly interact and converse with others is when i’m drunk
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Stuttering has made me avoid all human interaction that doesn’t include my family. The only time i’m able to properly interact and converse with others is when i’m drunk And i’m not even exaggarating. Because of this I have zero friends and my dating history is almost non existent. I’ve only used dating apps and even then I never manage to meet anyone face to face because I’m so ashamed of my stuttering. I only ever met two guys and the only reason I was able to do even that was because I had a few drinks before I honestly can’t Imagine openly stuttering in front of anyone, especially someone i’m interested in. The thought of that feels absolutely humiliating, like i’m revealing some horrible secret that will change the way they look at me. The idea that someone I’m attracted to would be completely fine with my stuttering, feels absurd. This basically leads interactions with other people to be absolutely exhausting on my part because i’m just focusing on hiding my stuttering, instead of being my genuine self and saying what I actually want to say. I know that most of this is in my head and i’m exaggarating the problem. Most of this is due to my issues with being extremely self critical and assuming that people expect me to be perfect. And stuttering just happens to be something I view as a major flaw in myself. The ”funny” part is that i’ve never had anyone reject me because of this. I’ve literally never even given anyone the chance because i’m absolutely terrified of it. And I fully realize that if someone rejected me for my stuttering they would not be the guy for me and I don’t need someone like that in my life, but I still can’t help feeling like this. I basically just needed to rant about this. I’m sorry if the self hate triggers anyone, I don’t judge other people who stutter, only myself. But if i’m being completely honest I can’t even watch videos of other people stuttering when talking to other people, because it makes me so anxious.