One of the worst speech blocks I have ever gotten
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One of the worst speech blocks I have ever gotten I go to an online school because I am so afraid of going to public school because of my stutter. I have many, many horrible memories of randomly getting called on to read out loud or give an answer, having to present a project, and of course the infamous "it's the first day of school so let's go around the room and introduce ourselves!" Online school is wonderful. I rarely have to speak or worry about speaking. But there is this thing called "proctoring" where we have to speak to our teachers and answer questions to prove we are doing the work. This story was the first time I had to do proctoring. I was worried, but I knew I had to do it so I just did it. The way it is done is like an audio phone call over the computer. So I get there and the teacher tells me I have to say three things I have learned. I don't remember what I said, but I stuttered a lot on the first two things. Then for the third thing, I couldn't think of anything (I was put on the spot and nervous) so she just asked me a question. I knew the answer, but I couldn't say it. I knew I couldn't say it as soon as she asked me the question. So I tried and yes, I blocked. Since this was an audio call the teacher had no idea I was struggling to get a word out and I couldn't tell her I was because it was so bad and I was so full of anxiety that I literally could not speak any word. All I could say was "um." So I said "um" multiple times. Over and over again. The teacher just assumed I didn't know the answer and told me to look for it. This lasted almost ten minutes. She then told me the specific reading page where I could find the answer, and I was thinking "oh, this is it, I'm f*cked, now she's going to expect me to say the answer any second." I eventually got it out, but forcing myself through that block made me bite my tongue and the inside of my cheek, I could taste the blood in my mouth. What a disaster. I have convinced most of my teachers since then to let me do it by typing, but a few of them still make me talk anyway. Two of them did, and I stuttered both times but not nearly as bad. Now, it is time to do proctoring again and I literally messaged my new teacher and said "I have a severe speech disorder that makes it impossible for me to speak fluently so it would be easier for both of us if you just let me type my answer unless you want to listen to me stutter on the same word for five minutes straight." I feel like that was too blunt but I do not feel like going through that again. I don't care at all what other people think of my speech, I just hate the actual process of stuttering and blocking cause sometimes I bite the inside of my mouth and sometimes if I'm blocking I can't breathe. I just hate it. I have to go in for state testing in about three hours and I am making my mom go in with me to check me in (say my name and what test I'm taking) so I don't have to. Just the fact that I am 16 years old and can't do something that basic is just so ugh.