I completely understand where you’re coming from. The one way I differ is that I still force myself to order food, drive thrus, make phone calls... it’s never pretty but it’s better than hiding from it!! Gotta have some hope for yourself. I always think I did it when I was a kid I can do it now. It’s crazy how aware you can be, ya know it’s like the number one thing on my mind at all times. My speech has been pretty bad when socializing recently and I want to be that person to hold a conversation but my speech is always on my mind instead of how to talk to people or hold a conversation. There only a select few that I can be my extroverted loving self, to others I’m shy and quiet, but I don’t want that!!! That’s been a recent battle and I am in the same boat you are, trying to not let the fear of getting stuck and ruining the conversation get to me!! Best of luck to you!!