I shut up and die like this I guess, any alternatives?

I shut up and die like this I guess, any alternatives? You know I thought one day I would be someone, do something, I really really had the drive and I believed it. But I guess the years of bullying, false hope, mental torture and feeling like a nobody takes its toll. At this point I dont even think I exist anymore outside of my own head. People just go on. Life moves on, everyone just keeps developing. People becoming more successful building better meaningful relationships and enjoying life and here I am, stuck in this shit. Never able to escape my own mind cuz of some bullshit disease. And I see people telling me to accept it like some kind of wimp, or that it doesn matter and people are accepting. Fuck that. Stop it with your lies. A society that chases after money,fame,celebrities and perfection would get me to believe I need to accept this. Yeah screw that. At Ieast I have enough self respect and courage to face the truth and even with this massive depression I feel much more fulfilled then being a happy ignorant fool. But yeah thats just how my sick mind works,( dont really know why I went on that rant). I guess the only way out I see is to shut up and continue living like this and just wait for death. Its not the best way to live and I mean I dont want it to be this way but I cant think of any alternatives. Anything I do just ends up making things worse. But I still have this fire in me telling me things can be better and I know tthey should, but I just dont think they can. You guys have any ideas?