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I feel helpless. (i'm ranting) I'm so done having my stutter hold me back. Started stuttering in kindergarten, my school district set me up with a school counselor/speech therapist to help me work on it. What did i do when the counselor pulled me out of my classes? I played fucking board games with the kids who had learning disabilities; and because of that, the school staff thought i had a learning disability. Put me in different math classes, gave me special treatment on my ACT, without knowing that my only problem was that I couldn't fucking talk normally. The only advice I've ever gotten from grade school was: "slow down and think about what you are going to say before you say it," then we played a board game until the next class started, and it never helped me. To this day, in my third year of college, I am still freezing up when I'm about to talk because I know i won't be able to get a word out. I am still replacing certain words in the middle of a sentence because I know I won't be able to get the word I wanted to say out. I still get anxious whenever I'm with friends ordering something, or talking on the phone; sometimes I just black out and stop talking all together because I know it'll be less embarrassing to just shut down rather than speaking. The only thing that's slightly given me hope is my boyfriend who've I've been dating for three years. He knows when he has to order for me at a restaurant because a certain letter will mess up my entire night. Knows when I'm about to shut down while talking or telling a story, but still understands what I'm trying to say. But fuck, that one person isn't good enough. I wish more people could understand how frustrating a speech impediment can be, so they wouldn't mock or make fun. Sometimes it's all I think about and I cant tell myself to slow down; I wish there was an actual treatment, because I'm starting to think I'll never feel normal, even after 17 years of this bullshit.