Just know that you matter. I'm not sure what you're beliefs are but everyone is here for a purpose. You will find you place in this world, you will find the people you need in this world, you will be in a better place, just don't give up. Rock bottom isn't a fun place to be but it builds character and once you're out, you will be a better person for it. As much as it seems like stuttering is a neaucance to you or me, it is part of who we are, and we just have to accept it. I believe my stutter has given me insane dedication. So many success stories talk about being knocked down and getting back up again, but stuttering is like getting knocked down, getting a glimmer of hope, and being knocked down over and over and over again, and we're still here, trying to be the best person you can be. You're stutter does not define you. The more power you give it, the more it takes away from you, and it sounds like you are focusing on it so much that it's killing you. Try to step back and relax and think about all the blessings you have, the friends you have, the family around you, the job you have, the future you have ahead of you. Leave these dark days behind you and try to come to terms with your stutter and stop letting it define you. I know it's hard, but learn to love yourself.