I finally approached someone I found attractive.

I finally approached someone I found attractive. After 25 years of social anxiety, self doubt, a social inferiority complex, and overall emotional trauma, I finally did it. I won the battle but am still fighting the war. I’ve been single my entire life, no siblings, and have family with obvious emotional dysregulation and I myself have ADHD. I’ve been a massive self imposed loner, I have been basically staying in my home for a year straight not working due to school and my college/childhood friends moving on with my only times I get to leave is taking care of myself grandmother who lives by herself (stubborn woman). I tried some therapy (not speech, doesn’t work for me) for some time but my heart wasn’t in it. I find it extremely hard to take care of myself considering I have no one to really take care of myself for or to have social interaction with. This was until I just had some sort of epiphany where I realized I’m genuinely going to be alone my entire life if I keep living the way I do. There is a scene in one of my favorite TV shows Mr. Robot where the main character says in a therapy session “I want a way out of loneliness”, this combined with people also calling me the introverted version of Gregory House (From House MD), I knew I just had to change. So I signed back up for therapy sessions So for the actually story: I went out shopping at Costco today because I needed to pick things up for my family, I was waiting for my food and seen someone fairly cute and I didn’t say anything as usual. Couple glances back and forth, nothing special. I sit down to eat my food and she sits at the table next to me, I’m thinking “Fuck, if I wasn’t eating maybe I would say something”. Halfway through she gets up and leaves, I call myself a failure saying I should have said something. For the first time in my life, I wrap up my food and basically jog to the exit where there’s people in line. She goes the same way I came, and her car is almost perpendicular to mine. I go to put my cart away, and feelings of trepidation come back. I didn’t say anything. I once again feel terrible, I then see that she has a big ass box of cat litter she might need help with so when she gets to it, I act like I’m walking past and say “Hey do you need help with that” She obliges and I pick it up saying I know how heavy they are from being a stocker. I then say I seen her in the store and complimented her on her hair and ask where she’s from. The conversation didn’t really go anywhere and in hindsight I realize how weird it is approaching a woman by herself in the parking lot even if it’s crowded. I then said apologized and said, I’m sorry if this is a little awkward, I just wanted to talk to you because I thought you were cute, I’m working on my anxiety and I’m pretty bad with talking to people. She said “you’re perfectly fine and gave me a smile”, I then asked her if she wanted to grab coffee one time and she replied with saying she has a boyfriend. I say “Oh I’m sorry!” And tell her to have a nice day and she replies the same back. I realize I could have done a much better job, but that was never the goal. The goal was actually talking to someone. My heart was racing afterwards and I celebrated and honestly cried a little in my car, knowing that if I could do it once, I can do it again. The saying goes “If it bleeds, you can kill it” and I certainly did that today. I have a meeting for my anxiety in 25 minutes and can’t wait to share this story with my group as well.