Exactly this. While I haven't gone down the rabbit hole entirely as I'm not physically addicted to benzos or alcohol yet, I'm basically crying out for help before it's too late. I really do want to be functional and happy but as you said, I can't shake the feeling of uselessness. I can't shake that feeling of being essentially less capable than someone without a stutter and I feel like my daily experiences are only confirming this to be fact. I really don't want to throw my life away to drugs but as I said before, I feel like that's the only way I'm going to feel something close to contentness and happiness. I truly thank you guys for the support, and honestly just reading these made me tear up. There's still hope yet.