I’ve been there, both with jobs and girls. All I can say is hang in there and, when you can afford the time and money, start looking for a speech therapy program that works for you. That is a personal thing. What it did for me was take away that helpless, hopeless feeling you described. I had tools that could help me through. Not perfect. I still stutter, but I have some control over it. Also, you’ll want to get mental health help at some point. All us stutterers need that. I recommend you look at Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It takes a practical approach to your distorted thoughts about yourself. Make sure you delve into your self image. That is key.