I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. It's important to know that you are not alone and that there are people who care about you and want to support you. Please don't give up on yourself or your life. It's understandable to feel frustrated and discouraged but remember that your worth is not defined by your ability to speak fluently. Have you considered seeking professional help or joining a support group for people who stutter? There are trained therapists who specialize in helping people cope with stuttering and can provide you with effective strategies to manage your thoughts and emotions. Also, connecting with others who share similar experiences can be helpful in building a support system and feeling less isolated. Remember to be kind to yourself and celebrate your strengths and accomplishments. You mentioned being a public speaker and reading about spirituality, which are both great achievements. Keep focusing on your passions and interests, and don't let stuttering define you or hold you back. Keep reaching out for help and support, and know that things can and will get better with time and effort.