Im not proud of my youth and my current life status
Content
Im not proud of my youth and my current life status I feel so small and impotent. so many questions I have not asked, conversations and debates in which I have not participated for fear of making a fool of myself. I have developed a personality that is complacent, phony and just trying to come off as well as possible to make up for a lack of charisma and substance. I have not fought for my ideas or values, I have preferred to run away and avoid conflict rather than defend my convictions and what makes me live moderately happy. I am not ready for reality, I am a child in an increasingly worn out body, I have not even realized that I am no longer a teenager, time has flown by and yet I have not evolved and I am closer to the end of my life. I am burdened by not being able to get what I want, not even for the benefit of my loved ones. I have already discarded having the confidence and attractiveness to conquer a girl that I can fall in love with or at least feel attraction, and he had already assumed a 'monastic' life, but at least I had the hope of being useful and valuable to my friends and family. every day I see myself smaller and less capable. I can't even have a normal conversation with anyone, my face only shows ridiculous grimaces, devoid of human expression, and my voice is weak and tremulous. Sometimes I would rather be mute than what I am.