I am so sorry- I feel I could have written this at many points over my life. As a previous poster said, you are truly NOT alone. You can private message me if you want to talk further- I never comment on these posts but yours really struck me bc I hear the same sense of hopelessness that I have felt SO MANY times. Also- I wonder if you can see a different doctor about meds. To be honest there have been meds that have helped me out over my life (I’m 40 now). I definitely think it’s worth exploring depression or anxiety meds as how we feel about ourself definitely impacts our speech.