I can relate with you. I am an elderly guy who had the same problem. Stuttering will mess your life up. People who do not stutter, they don't understand. However, don't think stupid thought like suicide. You need to talk about your problem and that is why this site is here. Do you think about fluency? Do you think that you are going to suffer with this for the rest of your life? I have several suggestions but one is to replace negativity with positivity.