I can relate my fellow stutterer. Focus on the positive aspects of your life. Make a gratitude list. Go help someone (volunteer) or go to a nursing home and visit folks who have no family. The goal is to do for others to get your mind of focusing on your self and your stutter. Read aloud for 30 minutes to an hour a day and you’ll begin to develop a rhythm and your stutter will diminish. I said a prayer just now for you for God to remove thoughts of suicide. God is good and hears our prayers. Things could be worse - you could be confined to a wheelchair and not be able to wipe your own ass. Be grateful and start reading aloud daily.