im a stutter and my life is fucking hard and i will write everything about me because i never shared this with anybody

im a stutter and my life is fucking hard and i will write everything about me because i never shared this with anybody im a stutter from born, i always hated to go out and play with other kids but my mom always made me so i always go out and some douchebags mock with me and i m a very aggresive person(this is probably a bad combination for a stutter) so they mock me even harder and i just get more aggresive and attack them i was a big kid (tall and kinda fat so they mock me with this either) so we fight and i get my ass kicked bc there was a lot of douchebags when im came back home my mom gets angry and beat the shit out me for fighting for other kids so there was a fucking irony in it right ? (my dad left her when i was born so she is probably hate me bc of it) so when i started Primary and middle school there was mocking fighting and consulting teacher in my so i needed a change i work hard for my highschool and got into a pretty good one firtst 3 months i was lonely i tried to avoid to talk the other kids (we need to make presentation for our classes my stutter isnt that bad when i really focused i get fluent and i havent mocked in a long time so presentations was really good for me) after 3 or 4 months i was sitting by myselft and before class started some dude approached me and said is it okay if i sit ther and i said sure enjoy yourself and he started to talked to me(i dont remmeber what the subject was but i talked to him to and we started to be friends so we always hang with eachother, he live far away but we always met we'd hang out he introduced me with his friends we started to hang out with them to (i had a crush on one of them but i never tell her, she was the only person i got fellings for) with him my first year of highschool was pretty good and i fell good about myself in summer break my mom told me i was going to private school i was like why the fuck she told they got a scholarship and we could use it (it was newly founded school so my first school was better) i was no i wont so we started arguing (she wasnt hitting me since middleschool bc i wasnt really talking to her) and she tried to hitting me again i was just dodge couple of her attacks but she startted to mocks with my stutter i got tears in my eyes and i hit her face so hard and ran away so she call cops on me when i was sitting on a bench she found me with some cops and she pressed charges bc i was under 18 i didint get in to jail just with a officer and he told me how bad it is to hitting a mother i was just noding with my head cursing inside so he said that i should apologize in summary i did and it was over i was into a new highschool with a lot of people idk and they were together since last year as a stutter this was hard enough by it self my stutter get worse i avoid talking people to since 4 th year ​ 4 th year in my country we study for collage entrance and collage free in my country and i was thinking about computer science ​ first half of 4 th year some girl talked to me she was really pretty i dont have any clue why she was but i didint really stutter when im with her and i realized i can be really funny she was really into my jokes we started meet up and study together and suddenly she wont reply my messages and some dude told me that she got a boyfrinend and he made her blocked me i didint fall for her but it was nice to spend time with her a couple of days after this event when i was sleeping some man screaming my moms name infront of our house at 3 am i get up and my mom in darkness smoking cigarrets and looking from the window i tell her wtf is this she told she broke with him and this was the result after that day we went to police file a report when i should be studying for collage entrance exams i was at the police station that was that i get into a good collage and im currently studying computer scince i finished first year, first year was bad for me because i just meet couple of people but we are not really friends we just know eachother i always thought my life could go better but last couple of weeks my thoughts are changing nothing but bad fellings and negative thoughts i cried couple of times writing this anybody who reads this long thank you so much and sorry for the grammer