It sounds like you are doing the right things, I just want to emphasize that you want to acknowledge their pain and sit them down and discuss the situation with them. They obviously have a very mature take on it that is way beyond their years. My parents took the tack of ignoring it to de-emphasize it. That just brought more internal shame to me. The best you can do is find tools that work for your particular child. I went to Hollins in Virginia as an adult and found it very helpful. There were young children in my group (broke my heart). There are other approaches that might work better for kiddo, but Hollins has a lot to say for itself and some pretty high-profile clients.