God knows what you're going through brotherman. It sucks, but it has made you stronger your entire life. I have a bad stutter and it sucks, I know. But it has molded your heart into something special. We have empathy for people who struggle because we've struggled. God gives us exactly what we are able to handle. He also gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Keep fighting my dude. I know it sucks balls, but your heart is beating. You're breathing. And you're alive. At least we're suffering together! It will all be okay. I know we don't know each other, but I assure you, it will be. Have faith.