Yes it doesn't define me, but stuttering it's me. It's really me, it's not just speaking, uttering words it's all my being. That's stuttering, speech isn't some separated phenomen from you, your words align with truth that's coming from the core of your soul as I said words are magical, powerful.... If I would have a slight repeating words I wouldn't give a fk but I can't physically get it out. Someone's walking by me and greets me and I am saying it for other 10 seconds, physically draining. The resentment and bitterness and brokeness inside, the pain. Everyone gets upper hand over me. I try to live with integrity, in the Truth with courage, in alignment with my soul because without it no man is capable of living, I ain't, I know it. Without it I am just gone. But you know I am shaking, my voice is shaking, people just talk over me or walk away from me and I can't do a fking thing, the shame, the pain. I can handle it somehow but I am getting more depressed, I have nothing to gain the strength from as I said and then... I am just a puppet, punching bag, I feel.... I am just like well everyone can do anything with me, you don't understand I am a mess. It's my fault partly, I didn't do much about it and it got worse and I wasn't being a man, I was a coward but I understand why it was like that. Yeah I know that all people arent that and that, there're good people too but I'm different overall man, I have no one in my life, not a friend nor old friend and I can't... because I have this struggle with my integrity. My speech is something how I communicate... to others, my thoughts, how I fight, I mean. Speech is so important thing man, it's you. Thank you for this appreciated.