my experience (+ i need advice for slower speaking?)

my experience (+ i need advice for slower speaking?) so i’ve been stuttering since i’ve been in kindergarten, not sure if i got it from my dad or something since his stutter is very very mild, almost unnoticeable. it’s followed me all the way through school, although it was quite mild (compared to now) back then. i just recently met some people from my elementary school again and when they heard my stutter they just went “oh i’m so glad some things never change” like i can tell it was meant well but i felt a piece of me die inside :’) i normally consider my stutter to be really bad but there are specific times where it just disappears completely without me doing anything? i’m convinced my stutter is just caused by me talking too fast because i want to get it over with and am scared of stuttering. - 1. during presentations: i (surprisingly!) don’t really stutter during presentations but i talk REALLY fast, no pauses whatsoever. if i accidentally mispronounce something, that’s when my stutter starts and it just all goes down. 😭 2. really specific but.. whenever i don’t sit next to my friend in class. i often get overwhelmed when asking the teacher a question during class because i’m embarrassed of being made fun of when my answer is wrong. for instance, i always sat next to my friend in math class but we recently changed the seating plan and now i sit next to someone i never really talked to. suddenly when i raised my class one day my voice came out softly and i was able to speak fluently? 3. when i talk to myself: i’m sure most (not all though) stutterers feel lke this. it’s the reason i like talking to myself, as weird as it sounds. it’s oddly comforting because i can express myself just fine, i have no troubles saying how i feel. i like playing out conversation i know will probably never happen irl. - now some other moments when i do stutter (there are more but these are the ones i can think of from the top of my head): 1. when i talk to my friends/family: i have no idea why but it’s always the worst when i have a conversation with them. my stutter is so bad that i tend to just be quiet or talk really fast. tfw you wanna share gossip or tell a funny story but give up halfway because your stutter is so bad.. T__T 2. impulsive speaking: aka making jokes… 3. talking for long periods of time: especially when i’m explaining something or when i can’t find the words to explain something. i just feel like the person is judging me after a while even if nothing’s alluding to that. - weirdly or interestingly enough, when i opened up to my friends about this they all said that it was barely noticeable? which is SO confusing to me because i have always perceived my speech to be horrible. many have also said that they’ve never even heard my stutter and we’ve been friends for what.. 5years? i like to believe that they’re just lying because they don’t want to hurt my feelings but yeah.. then again my parents always tell me to slow down and that i stutter too much and now i don’t know who to believe 😭 there are days where i feel like i’m just imaging my stutter (which is probably better for my mental health lol) and then there are days where i just can’t get a word out. does anyone feel the same way? - as i mentioned before somewhere, i wholeheartedly believe that my stutter is caused by me talking too fast (my mouth’s faster than my mind - talking about that, i feel like i can’t.. think? when i talk, if that makes sense) but not thoroughly. my talking speed is probably caused by my fear of stuttering or messing up? funny because that’s exactly how my stutter happens. are there any tips for talking slower? any mental advice or even physical stuff? - tl;dr perception is a funny thing and i need to talk more slowly