My experience in overcoming stuttering.

My experience in overcoming stuttering. A few days ago I saw a post on this subreddit talking about how the best way to overcome stuttering is to stutter more. i.e. to put yourself out of your comfort zone repeatedly so that you find strength to overcome it. After reading that post I wanted to share my experience with this community because I too went through something similar. Hope my experience and its learnings plays a part in helping someone fight their stutter. I was in the 7th grade and we had a new  teacher joining us. We were asked to introduce ourselves to the teacher. When it was my turn to say my name, I mumbled that I didn’t remember it. The entire class burst into uproarious laughter. Of course I knew what my name was. I even knew what my name meant unlike most of my friends back then.  But my stutter held me back. I developed a  stutter in the 6th grade which crippled me socially. I was afraid to make conversations, I was afraid to say my name. I resigned to being silent most of the time. I was just the dumb kid who did not remember his name. During one such ‘ I don’t remember my name’ incident in the classroom, as I was hugging my desk in shame, I made a silent resolve to myself that if God ever returned fluent speech  back to me, I’d make the best use of it. But that day never came.   I managed to stumble through life with my stutter till I joined college. Business management being my major, speaking in public was imperative. I decided to do something about my stutter and joined the college Toastmasters public speaking club hoping that it would help me. I still remember the day when I was introduced to the public speaking club. I was in awe of the speakers who were confidently introducing the club to us on stage. I too wanted to speak like that. I thought that joining this club would miraculously cure my stutter but  Joining a public speaking club viciously exposed my suppressed stutter. Want to hear how bad my first speech was? Well, here’s the audio from my speech titled ‘History of Education in India’ [https://youtu.be/Aba5ty9xfok](https://youtu.be/Aba5ty9xfok) As I was delivering this speech, I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. I hated being up on the stage. After the meeting ended, I locked myself in my hostel room and bawled my eyes out. I was conflicted with mixed emotions of never wanting to be on stage and trying to do better the next time. I am glad I chose the latter. I decided to give it my best and not succumb to my stutter. I had so much to say, so much to express and I was not going to let a few vocal speed bumps bring me down. I decided to visit a speech therapist who after diagnosing told me that there is nothing physiologically wrong with me. She explained that what was happening to me was psychological and something that could be overcome with effort. I had to repeatedly put myself outside my comfort zone to overcome my stutter. I kept at it despite being made fun of because I realized that the people who were ridiculing me weren't going to stay in my life forever. For two consecutive years I kept at it through sheer determination and grit. Every speech I gave was practiced at least ten times. Usually, when one speaks on stage, they deal with two variables which are recollecting what to say and delivery. I decided to eliminate on variable from the equation by ensuring that I knew the script by heart. This helped me focus only on my delivery when I was on stage. Before I went to bed and after waking up, I visualized myself delivering the entire speech. This process helped me identify parts of my speech where I was more likely to stutter. I was able to overcome it by repeated practice. With time and lots of practice, I got better. Guess who won the first place at the district level Toastmasters public speaking competition? Yes, The same kid who could not say his name in the 7th grade.   Coincidentally my winning speech was also about education. Do you want to listen to my growth as a speaker? Here is the link to my award winning speech titled ‘3 Seconds of my Life’ [https://youtu.be/0cDtfWHXqjU](https://youtu.be/0cDtfWHXqjU) I won the competition on my birthday and I feel this is one of the greatest gifts I could have given myself - one that is derived from my own effort.  I have read many quotes talking about how good art is born from the greatest of pain - which is what I did. I poured my heart out without worrying about what people would think. I realized then, that God was never going to return my fluent speech back to me. I had to tear through the fabric of the universe and reclaim what was mine.  I went on to become a public speaking trainer at the high school level and developed curriculum as well as train students in the art of public speaking. But my story does not end there. It has been 9 years since I won the public speaking competition back in college and today I find myself battling depression. It was during this time when my spirit was running a fever that my stutter came back with a vengeance. Past mental malpractices led me to believe that stuttering is a part of me and there is nothing I can do about it. The coping mechanisms and conditioning that I had to live with as a result of  stuttering, took over. But the echoes from the past cleared the fog in my head. When I was going through my old work, I realized what I had overcome. Unlike the first time I overcame this obstacle, this time I could lean on my own back. My past self. My past self who had persevered and remained resolute in the face of defeat. My ego and insecurities prevented me from seeking help. How could someone who teaches public speaking to students take help with his stuttering? How could the teacher display weakness? What would people think about me? But wait. I reminded myself why I decided to teach public speaking in the first place - to instill confidence in students and awaken their spirit. If I have dedicated my life to help others, why couldn’t I redirect some of that energy to help myself? Back to the speech therapist! This time to understand the root cause of my stuttering and eradicate it. After deep diving into it with my therapist, I came to the conclusion that the root cause of my stuttering was the hostile environment at home while growing up. Understanding that my stuttering is a result of pent up fear and pain was disconcerting at first. It felt as if this hidden monster had finally reared its head up. But that’s good because I finally know where to deliver the coup de grace. Although it was difficult at first, I contacted my close friends to help me out with the speech exercises my therapist had suggested and I now find myself gradually regaining my confidence. Here I am today, finding myself at the bottom of the stairs again. But this time, just one leap is enough to take me to the top.   To all those who struggle with speaking eloquently, my parting message to you would be to face your fears head on. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations where you have to talk. Don’t be afraid to make a fool out of yourself. Because the real fool is the one who never tried. Edit: formatting