I don’t want fluency on my deathbed

I don’t want fluency on my deathbed Sorry for the negative post but I don’t want fluency on my deathbed. I don’t want friends because they had pity on me. I just want to connect with people like everyone. Why do I have to suffer for something I never did. My father shouted at my brother when I was younger, now I am living this life. All my friends throughout life have been nerds, or people who were super nice. Why can’t I just be a normal human being. I am 26M, and it seems like I will be stuttering for the rest of my life. I wish God took my life inside of my brother 5 years ago. :((