35 here, similar boat as yours. Had a stutter my whole life but have always done my best to avoid thinking about it, to distract myself from it. Actually letting myself think about it sends my mood and self-worth plummeting, so i did what i could to avoid that. Only over the last few months have I started forcing myself to face it head on, *really* think about it, and start on a path towards acceptance of it. It sucks, and it’s hard, and right now i don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, but eventually id like to. I feel you man. Acceptance is hard.