Thinking that I'm going to have to live like this my whole life really makes me sad.
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Thinking that I'm going to have to live like this my whole life really makes me sad. What kind of life awaits me? What reputation can a man have who doesn't even know how to communicate properly? Those kinds of questions depress me. I have been a stutterer for as long as I can remember, and that has condemned me to living with unbearable social anxiety and shattered self-esteem. High school is constant torture, like a kind of psychological punishment from which there is no escape. Every time a teacher asks me for my opinion, when I have to read aloud or give a presentation, I panic: I sweat, my heart beats as if it were going to burst, I get dizzy... and in the end I only confirm what everyone thinks about me. I have earned the label of the “quiet idiot”, the outcast who is always alone. And the worst thing is that my own parents make fun of my way of speaking, they yell at me as if it were my fault that I stutter. If they hated the idea of having a child like that so much, why did they have me? What kind of monsters bring into the world someone they know will be born defective? I feel like I'm rotting inside every day. My mind delights in making myself suffer. And I'm tired of always hearing the same garbage of mediocre advice: “talk to someone,” “you're not alone,” “move on.” Do you really think that helps? The reality is that it is of no use. The only reason I'm still here, trapped in this shitty world, is because I still haven't found a quick way to end it.