I’m sorry. I know what I be been though and it sounds similar. I also know the mantra “now is not forever - and I feel free” saved me countless times from the darkest my hopeless times. I started playing percussion in support of that mantra - 25+ yrs ago. This might not be comforting at this moment - we only know what’s happened before now and we only know the current moment. You do not know what your life looks like in a year from now. Experiment I wish someone had posed for me earlier in my life journey: Explore your fears vs. your stutter as being the root cause of things negative. This won’t solve anything immediately and your stutter will always be there as your “brown couch” to comfort you in wallowing, as mine is always there for me. Sorry for these “always” experiences that feel never ending. #stutterersoftheworldunite