I think you need to deal with the anxiety - That is feeding everything here it seems. I've been a lifelong stutterer, maybe that's why I don't let the anxiety get to me. I think you need to do some deep dives into anxiety, really work on internalizing a thought that no one is paying attention to you. Most of us, if not all of humanity, have narcissistic traits and our concern with what others think of us. Stuttering is not some giant neon sign flashing over our heads. It feels like that when you're talking directly to someone, one on one, but I bet your initial anxiety and trigger did not come from stuttering, did not come from stumbling over one word in your 20s. Look at what was going on your life during that point; work to take control of your life now in whatever ways you can. Whenever my stutter starts getting bad, there's usually some other duress in my life. Playing dumb to avoid a word is hurting you, and your confidence which just feeds the anxiety. Like many of us, I was teased for my stutter as a kid, and for my weight but that's another matter. Thankfully most of those little fuckers learned to leave me alone the day I fought back. I never trusted any of them for the rest of my schooling though, and when I got to college and the real world.. I saw that most people didn't point it out. Just like most people don't point out someone's missing leg, someone's poor clothing choice, someone's speech patterns. Those who do are loud, obnoxious assholes who think drawing attention to someone as minor and insignificant as a fucking stutter is something that will get them positive interaction. It doesn't. In my adulthood, and I've been doing the adulting this for 14 years now.. I've only ever had three adults make comments about my stutter that were not just questions asked out of curiosity. All three times I was working retail, two were mocking, and one was ... praise for ~~doing my job~~ being brave enough to answer phones and speak on all sorts of matters. That's it. I've become an asshole about my stutter I'm sure. It's here, it's going to stay; I got sick of being corrected, I got sick of being told to slow down (truth be told that does actually help me when I block a lot.), I got sick of the porky pig jokes. Own your stutter. A job interviewer will see if you're right for the job if you are you, not hiding behind a word to cover up what you really feel needs to be said. You are not your stutter. ​ Now that I've gotten the tough love out of the way.. \*offers a hug\*