I've started to hate myself now

I've started to hate myself now Two days ago, at around midnight, my sibling suddenly got very ill and couldn't even move or speak. I called the emergency helpline number but wasn't able to tell them what was going on and had to give the phone to him. He was shivering and was barely able to speak but somehow gave them our address. After reaching the hospital when I was asked about his present illness and medications I had to write it down as they wanted the info fast to start his treatment. I felt really bad while I sat in the waiting area as I couldn't even tell them the basic info to help my brother and things could've been worse if he was not in the condition to speak.