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Ramblings of a stutterer I have a stutter, ever since I was a child I’ve had it. I do not stutter a lot, but it is there nonetheless. it is not a stutter that is debilitating. It does not, ruin my life. But it certainly interferes with it in many aspects and causes me immense frustration. When I was younger, I did get made fun of sometimes. Now as an adult not so much, almost never. Though it still bothers me, and it bothers me a lot I should add. As much as I don’t like to admit it, I find myself thinking about it before every interaction. Often not consciously. but it is there, in the back of my subconscious, waiting to inflict its mental anguish. Not so much in the moment, but with the shame I feel afterwards. I do not know why I stutter, I do not know how to stop it. But what I do know is how to somewhat control it. And even this control is out of my control. It varies from day to day, some days I can speak with no issues. Some days I dare not say anything, and those days are soul wrenching. Not being able to talk? Something as basic as speech taken from you, or at least limited. Not only is your speech taken away from you, but it is taken away from you by your own mind. All because the incomprehensibly complex mechanisms of our mind fail to work as they’re supposed to, a slight error in the configuration of the brain, a small deviation from the normal developmental process. The list goes on. I can’t articulate what I’ve learnt or read. It seems that whatever I learn, I cannot articulate it, repeat it, teach it or explain it in a coherent manner, unless I’ve studied it intensely and with a lot, and I do mean a lot of repetition. I believe that this is somewhat normal. How can someone confidently teach about something they do not know? I believe though that my problem and perhaps yours, goes a little bit beyond this. I have observed a lot of people not having any issues repeating back what they’ve learnt, in a somewhat coherent and interesting manner that captures the attention of others without any issue. If I try to do the same, I stutter. And I stutter. And I stutter and it infuriates me, it’s the torture of my soul . As someone who is the most fulfilled in life when I can express my thinking and my dreaming. And when I can tell of my abstract ideas and philosophies to others, this completely ruins me. As if it is the punishment for something I did. As if my soul is caged, by my own mind at that. If you relate to what I’m saying then you can very much agree with everything I’m saying