>times when I don't focus on it are when I'm most fluent I don't think you should assume that it's _you and your focus_ that's the difference here, only that you stutter and it wanes and waxes (probably sounds familiar to most of us). Being more familiar with (or "accepting" of, as it were) your range of variation might lessen your surprise at its worst (and hence, your "focus"). I'm not saying it's straightforward to know yourself in this way - like, I sometimes get surprised still, but I'm pretty familiar with what to expect (I'm soon to be 40). I imagine speech therapy might be beneficial in cases like these. Perhaps give that a shot?