I know these feelings so intimately. It started in 4th grade with me running out of a classroom and hiding until the end of the day, and it still stays present in my life now. For what it's worth, the only thing that has made my fluency increase is getting sick of always adjusting for others, always being worried about how THEY will react, and one day I started to care less and thought of it as people adjusting to me for a change. Let em laugh, let em get confused, whatever. If I feel it would be helpful I explain that I have a stutter and use the moment to teach someone. No, I don't always feel like doing that, but I've done it a lot, and I'm always glad I did. And I'll tell you it is one hell of a filter for the people that come into your life. The people that get impatient and truly take no time to understand are the ones I forget about. Please don't become mute. If anything, speak more. It can be hard to let something you constantly avoid become a bigger part of your life, but all I know is, when I let myself be proud of EVERYTHING I am, I thought about it less, and I saw my speech changing. All the love to you. Don't let yourself disappear.