I felt like this when I was a teenager and in my younger twenties. The things that helped me was I found that if I cracked a joke on my speech first and made light of it, it took some of the shame out of it. Secondly, I just don’t give a fuck about it anymore. The way I look at it is that EVERYBODY has something wrong with them. I stutter, could be worse. Finally, surround yourself with friends and family that love and support you. I am in my mid forties, retired from the military and living the good life now. Hopefully you figure it out. Good luck!