You are not alone,i feel exactly like you do now,i am stuttering since childhood i am 22 now, in childhood it didn’t affected me and i didn’t cared about it that much as i do now, because when you are adult and grow up you want and need to talk and connect with people and you need to express freely and openly the way you want to, but because of stutter you can’t, It affects your mental state, personality how you become as a person and everything, it’s okay to feel all those things you just mention and you are not alone that feel the same way,i feel the exact as you do. We as stutters blame ourselves for this but it’s because of stutter that we became like this it not what we intend or want, life with a stutter sucks,