Stop doing all of this to yourself. You don't deserve this ! Really NOONE DESERVES things like that. But most of us - stutterers we do this to ourselves. It is a fact that whatever someone is doing to you it would not have any effect on you except you give them this power. You have the power to interpret the outer world however you like. Just do it, it's a game. You can try to go on a psychologist, I think it can be very helpful. Do the changes you want as soon as possible. No time for wasting in this short life. Much understanding and support here.