21M, this is my story living with a stutter

21M, this is my story living with a stutter I started stuttering at age 5, I don’t even remember stuttering back then. The only reason I know I did, is because my mom told me I did. I noticed it when the other kids would ask me “why do you talk like like” or some other similar question. Therapists have a term for the mental effects a stutter can have on a human being. It’s call the Stutter Iceberg. It’s basically all the mental coping mechanisms and mental problems we develop from stress or trauma. My Iceberg started developing in the 5 grade. That’s when I started noticing the other kids laughing or their facial expressions when I was talking to them. Fast forward to middle school. In middle school I was very quiet, I avoided any unnecessary interactions with anybody I didn’t know. Middle school is really where all my coping mechanisms and my extreme anxiety starting showing up. When called upon in class I would act like I didn’t remember the answer to a question or fake yawn when I felt a stutter coming, which I’m sure my classmates noticed. The hardest part about having a stutter it being misunderstood, people thinking your shy or just naturally a nervous person which I’m not. Middle school was also when my stutter was at its worst. My stutter developed a block, I didn’t know how to counteract it so I would try and fight through it, the end result would be weird noises, which of course the other kids would always laugh at. There were some people who would stick up for me, but a part of me didn’t want them to, a part of me hated myself. That resulted in me just not talking all together. In high school I was basically the same as I was in middle school, but do to experience with swapping words during conversation in school, I became very good at it and was able to talk to people again. Keep in mind I had friends in school, but it felt like I would have to reach out to them for anything to happen between us, except for a small friend group that I had that I actually felt I belonged in. They didn’t mock me, they actually listened. When I graduated high school I enlisted in the Marine Corps and went to boot camp. I decided to go to boot camp because I craved change. The months and weeks leading up to being shipped off to boot camp I was extremely nervous. I watched all the videos on what it’s like, they terrified me even more. While in boot camp I was humiliated on a daily basis by the drill instructor’s, I’m pretty sure they hated me. At the very end of boot camp when I made it and became a marine I cried, I just went through MCRD Paris Island with a stutter. I never though I could ever do it. Coming back home after boot camp, I realized that every social interaction I had with other people was easy, anxiety didn’t rush over me, and I was way more inclined to get violent with people who did mock me(which only happened on a few occasions, but they were really trying to get under my skin), It was like I was reborn. If you took the time to read this, thank you. I would love to hear about other peoples experiences.