Why does every day have to be a fight?
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Why does every day have to be a fight? Life long stutterer and occasional lurker here trying to vent/rant. While I'm mostly dealing with my stutter pretty well, today it hit me hard. This week I started using tinder again after a few months off and I really had fun chatting with this girl (you already know where this is going). We wrote each other basically constantly the last two days and I thought we really connected. She made me laugh and I couldn't wait to meet her in person for a walk or something. Then I said that I have a dialect/accent (which is considered somewhat cute in German) and she wanted me to send her a voice chat. "Uh oh..." Then I explained to her that I stutter (like I normally do before I would go on a date). She said she was fine with it but she still wanted to hear my voice so I sent her a voice message, but I was pretty uncomfortable doing it. Of course the voice message was super cringe and she asked if I am introverted etc. After a few messages she wrote me that I am "too shy and not open enough" for her but that it has nothing to do with my stutter. You know what? That could even be true! I am super shy and not open enough and it's all BECAUSE OF my stutter! I would be a completely different person if it weren't for my stutter! This would have never happened if I didn't stutter! I would have confidently sent her a voice message, added some stupid joke and she would probably have laughed! But the way I did it? After that I wouldn't want to date myself and that's the problem... Why does everything have to be twice or three times as hard? Why can't I just be myself without being dragged down by some tiny thing? Why do I constantly have to fight...? And I know all I have to do is to accept myself but that's the hardest part... Thanks and keep your head up! (Which is pretty ironic advice after my rant but still...)