First off, I'm sorry you're having a bad time of it. Truly. But you're putting everything on your stutter. You're giving it more power than it deserves. The good news is that you *can* start a new life. Today. You get to decide to enjoy life. I took refuge in books when I was younger. I really enjoyed reading. I spent a lot of time doing solitary things. Computer games, outdoor activities. Eventually I really missed other people though. At that point, I had to stop letting my stutter define who I was and what I could do. None of this is easy. I ain't saying 'buck up' or any BS like that. But you do have to start working on getting your head right. Do that, and things will get better. I almost always advocate for speech therapy when people are struggling. But I think you have to do first thing first. The first thing for you needs to be to love yourself. To recognize your value. Be kind to yourself. ​ “Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies - God damn it, you've got to be kind.” - Kurt Vonnegut